Once upon a time there was a taxpayer who received a tax refund. It seemed like a big tax refund, and it made the taxpayer very happy. Life with a refund was good for the taxpayer. What would the taxpayer do with the refund? The possibilities were endless: pay off a credit card, put a tub in a bathroom, take a trip to Paris…
While the taxpayer dreamt of the possibilities, something bad was happening behind her house. A giant tree loomed and swayed until all it’s bark fell off. The taxpayer noticed the bark all over her yard and took a closer look. She saw that the tree had split down the middle. With every storm the tree threw big branches everywhere, scaring the taxpayer.
The taxpayer called her insurance company to ask if her policy covered the death of a tree. The tree could fall and then the insurance company might have a costly claim, she reasoned. The answer of course was no. Removing a dead tree is considered maintenance. The insurance company took note of the phone call, and warned—”negligence would be a deal breaker for a payout.”
Dejected, the taxpayer decided the responsible thing to do would be to use her tax refund to take down the angry towering tree, so she called a lumberjack (they’re called something else on Angie’s list), and waited for him to arrive. 4 long weeks passed with constant heavy rain and high winds—storms day and night filled the taxpayer with trepidation. Her greatest fear was the giant tree falling on her house, or on the house of an unfriendly neighbor.
Early one morning at the crack of dawn the lumberjack (they’re called something else on Angie’s list) arrived with his lumberjack friends. This surprised the taxpayer because there had been severe thunderstorms earlier that morning, and more were in the forecast for the afternoon. The lumberjack got right to work, as they like to do.
He anchored himself on a healthy tree branch—a tiny one that wouldn’t support the weight of a Christmas tree ornament, but who am I to offer a lumberjack advice. He climbed up, and up, and up the tall dead tree.
Before the taxpayer could get her camera phone focused, the giant arm of the miserable tree was gone. The lumberjack climbed higher as the chainsaw hummed and tree parts came down like wooden shards of hail, and then the apogee…the biggest part of the tree fell.
It all happened very quickly. The tree was gone, and the lumberjack (they’re called something else on Angie’s list) and his lumberjack friends left with the tax refund.
The taxpayer was spent, as was her refund. That afternoon storms rolled in and for the first time in a long time the taxpayer was at peace during a storm. The giant dead tree was no longer there to sway over the house and throw branches. A boom of thunder, a blazing flash of lightning, a loud crack, and a ear splitting crash—a healthy tree fell on the taxpayers house.
**The end of the story hasn’t happened yet…but any minute now.