Goat-boy Sentenced to 41 Months

‘QAnon Shaman’ also known as ‘organic grazing Goat-boy,’ has been condemned to 41 months in prison for his part in the 1/6 attack on the Capitol. Prosecutors sought a 50-month sentence, citing the high-profile leadership role he played.

Jacob Chansley, (Goat-boy,) was not a frolicking puck-like jester. He was a more mischievous henchman who had attached a knife to the top of the American flag he carried, fashioning it into a spear, and he was among the first who breached the building. Upon his arrest, he asked that former guy, Trump, to issue him a pardon but–“new number; who dis?” Then the Satyrs went on a hunger strike to force corrections authorities to serve him organic food while in custody. They accommodated him. Yes, they did. In another misdeed, without permission, he gave “60 Minutes” an interview from jail.


Despite all that, the judge looked at the half-man half-goat’s glass as half full: Jacob Chansley espoused regret for his actions; he pleaded guilty to a felony charge of obstructing Congress’ certification of the 2020 vote, and he performed a thirty-minute monologue during today’s court appearance, quoting SCOTUS Clarence Thomas and the movie Shawshank Redemption. He said he wished to live his life like Jesus Christ and Gandhi, and calls himself a good guy who did a baaaad thing.

Anyway, 41 months, minus the credit he receives for time served, a fine of $2,000 to cover his part of the damage to the Capitol Building, followed by three years of supervised release at the end of his prison term may not seem like a lot, but it is. As evidenced by the early Neolithic calendar, which was employed for farming of a limited to a range of plants, and the keeping of dogs, these 41 months look longer.

By about 8000 BC, the calendar was also used for farming of other animals, including domesticated sheep, goats, cattle, and pigs. As with dog-years, goat-years, cannot be measured in the same way human-years are. For goats, the first month is like seven years and then every subsequent month a year. By my calculations, Goat-boy will serve a 47-year sentence in goat-years. When you factor in the lifespan of a goat, which is 15-18 years, this is a harsh sentence indeed.

‘QAnon Shaman’ Jacob Chansley sentenced to 41 months in prison for role in US Capitol riot

4 thoughts on “Goat-boy Sentenced to 41 Months

  1. He gives a 30-minute monologue, which the judge says is the best thing she’s heard in 34 years, Kyle Rittenhouse gets to pick names out of a hat–what in the heck is going on??! If they stick Bannon in jail, that will be a start of getting things right.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. He looks like an idiot, so no surprise that he is one. I don’t understand why someone like that even gets the opportunity to address the court

    Liked by 1 person

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