Where Was The Ebenezer In Me?

Where have I been? I took this holiday off.

“I will honor Christmas in my heart and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach.” ~Ebenezer Scrooge, A Christmas Carol — Charles Dickens,

My most recent lesson began in mid-November. I, like everyone else, am trying to get all my medical appointments done before 2024 ends. Health insurance coverage resets to zero at the start of each year, which means a new deductible and out-of-pocket healthcare costs.

My hands are now functional, so I moved to the last item on my list. This physician was an orthopedic foot specialist. He looked at my X-ray and my actual foot, then gave me an order for an MRI. Ugh. 😩

I hate those so much that I waited a few weeks to schedule it. Ten days before Christmas, I popped a handful of Xanax, was strapped in, ready to be dispatched into the abyss… that machine. It turns out, when the MRI is on the foot, you go in feet first and only halfway in. I had over medicated myself. I couldn’t remember my phone number to check in at the kiosk. My daughter/driver helped.

My appointment to discuss the results was forty-eight hours after that.

Doctor Foot walked into my follow-up visit and asked me if I had looked at the report.

(Medical group apps linked to your files allow you to see the results of lab work, MRIs, doctor’s reports, often before the ordering physician.)

I replied- “Yes, I read it.”

If you’ve seen me, you know I look really smart. For that reason, you can’t blame Dr. Foot for assuming I understood what I read. I wear glasses, for duck’s sake. With the help of internet searches for every medical term, I knew with 100% certainty that I was fine, or dying.

I did not understand what I read. During that appointment, he said many words. The only ones I heard were:
“I’m not touching it.”
“Only two doctors in the vicinity specialize in malignancies like this.”
“I’ll refer you to whichever of the two you choose.”

Doctors have referred me to oncologists three times in my life. This isn’t my first rodeo. As per my usual, I chose herr doktor based on looks, of course.
“In the area” meant a drive under two-hours. Luckily, the hot doctor is the closer of two great distances. And parking is free.

The nurse from my future ‘musculoskeletal orthopedic oncologist’ called to arrange a biopsy on lymph nodes on and around the arch of my foot. I didn’t know there were lymph nodes there. That was December 20.

T’was was nearly Christmas. My daughter flew in (yes, her arms are tired.) She arrived sick. I had not shopped, decorated or showered. T’was the lamest Christmas ever.

Yesterday, 26 December, the results were in. I found out the mass is benign. It is not cancer. I have never been diagnosed with cancer. For six days, including Christmas, I thought I was dying… again. I sorted through what is left of my personal items to give away. I’m fine, and I still have some of my stuff. I will still schedule surgery with the hot doctor I have yet to meet.

My life as a patient has become old, as have I. But I have grown into quite the philosopher, and when I am able, and no longer caring for two other people, I might set off to Tibet to do monk stuff. Or I’ll just turn off the internet and hide in my attic.

~~~•~~~

This day is one to set aside 
all complaints and close your eyes. 
Forget the bills, your ills, the cost 
of pills… let fallen tears dry.
Next Christmas, who will still be here? 
Think of that. I do, all year.
Count words well written, not those read.
Time repeats. Nothing to dread. 
‘Merica, the plot’s been purchased. 
Bad guys' tricks have traveled furthest. 
I’m tapping out, these next four-years 
Ignorance is bliss. So, cheers.
~me

Bah, humbug.

*humbug: deceptive or false behavior

I plan to ignore politics until Elon’s term is over. Wish me luck. I’ll focus on me spawn, dogs, books, writing words…