Existential Confusion

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” ~Mark Twain.

Am I the only one who hasn’t found out why? When do I find out why? How do I find out? It’s taking forever. I don’t get it.

“Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board.” ~ Zora Neale Hurstun

‘Their Eyes Were Watching God’

I believe I stabbed my eye intentionally, subconsciously. Why? So ayed be speakin pirate till me last breath, win ayed walk the plank un rest en Davey Jones’ locker. Deadlights! Aye nearly lost me orb!
With hairspray on an eyebrow brush, I pressed one hair that was disinclined to join its colleagues. My hand slipped and I think I may have done permanent damage. It hurt for two days. The question is, why did I need to brush my eyebrows? I am an island, and I have bangs. (For now.)

“As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a giant insect.” Franz Kafka


I blame the length of my bangs for the next adventure. I do unwitting self-harm habitually.

I left urgent care with three stitches and an egg on my forehead. No drinking or drugging; no sucking helium. Fork forking Frank Lloyd Wright and his furniture, with its big rectangular wooden armrests. Forehead, meet corner, corner, forehead… hard. I had bent to pick up what I’d dropped, a fork. I should have left it there and sold the house.

“It was a bright cold day in April and the clocks were striking thirteen.” ~George Orwell


Who left that air in the middle of the room? I tripped on it and executed a perfect swan-dive (10, 10, 10, 10) to catch the heavy porcelain plate. So sad. It shattered and bounced before I caught the shards on the rebound with my face, leaving a laceration under my eye, (yes the same eye,) and one hand cut deep between two fingers. My eye was glued and my hand required several stitches. Oh, I almost forgot. With my other hand (I have two,) I tried to break my fall, instead I broke the spare hand.

“No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality walked alone.” ~Shirley Jackson

The Haunting of Hill House

My daughter’s drivers-ed teacher, years ago, told the class, “if a suicidal squirrel runs out in front of your car, it’s just his time to go. Stay the course. If you swerve, you could kill people, and the squirrel might survive.”

That is a life lesson that applies to many situations. I should have allowed the plate to meet fate, which it did. It was just it’s time.

I’ll stop here at three injuries. These are a few of many. My forehead is a roadmap of folly. Sometimes I bump my head and it doesn’t even burst open, so no stories there.

That said, I have to return to Twain’s quote. “The two most important days of your life are the day you’re born and the day you find out why.” Maybe I’m keeping urgent care in business? I don’t know.

I need to find out.

Now I know what I have to do.

*With the exception of Twain, the quotes above are the first sentence of the books cited.

8 thoughts on “Existential Confusion

  1. This is one of my favorites of your posts. But–please tell me what happened with your eye? Somehow I identify but also I just appreciate your sense of humor even under injured conditions!!! ;o)

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I did that once to both eyes at once. It was agony. They glued my eyelids shut…and I had to stay on the boat instead of getting my first glimpses of Portugal!! I got rid of my contacts.

        Liked by 1 person

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