My House, is a Very Very Very… um… House

So many subjects to discuss, so much writer’s blockage to overcome. Allow me to update you on a few topics I might more thoroughly address in future:

https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-news/kathryn-kimball-mizelle-trump-judge-voids-mask-mandate-1339427/

1. Despite the recent ruling by a Trump appointed judge, one of the many deemed unqualified by the bar association, the pandemic is not over. My mask wearing, 3x vaccinated daughter, tested positive last week. She was unwell for several days, but her symptoms were relatively mild. She is on the mend.

2. Political frustration caused by the fact that, despite the democratic majority in congress and having a democratic president in the White House, we are still rendered impotent thanks to S&M, (Senators Sienna & Manchin,) has got my tongue on all things governmental.

3. I don’t know about you, but my favorite feature in all of social media is having the ability to block assholes. Try me. 🫢

4. I started this blog a long time ago. Until this year, I kept information regarding my employment vague because I am not my job. If I had allowed myself to be identified by my job, I would have been devastated when it ended. I’m not. I miss my co-corkers, but I bear responsibility for not keeping in touch.

Irony

5. My snail mail yesterday included a bank statement for a checking account I never opened. When I called the bank, one I’ve never used, they advised me that my Social Security number, name, address, phone number and email address were all on the account, which is now closed. I reported the identity theft, (that’s what this is,) to the Federal Trade Commission, and was informed that my data was part of “the Equifax breach.” Equifax is a company that, at a cost, protects consumers from identity theft, (irony). As they suggested, I filed a complaint and as a result, I will be compensated with 25 George Washingtons, (dollars 🙄) for my time. The upside is that I now get a free year of Equifax service.

6. My 88-year-old mother, who has lived with me for over a year, broke her foot while attempting to stand up. (She’s a wild woman.) Not to worry, this has not affected her ability to provide me with constant weather updates. My favorite are the ones I get when I come in from outside. We rented a knee scooter, but she only uses it when I’m watching. I’ve caught her walking without her boot! She doesn’t seem to take seriously the doctor’s warning that if her bone doesn’t heal she could become wheelchair bound forever. Despite my head spinning, she won’t stop putting weight on it- her foot, not my head. As you know, everything is about me. Her health affects my life. So, I’m on guard duty. When I hear “thump, drag… thump, drag,” I’m up and at em.

👇🏼

7. My home repairs are almost at a point that they will allow me to take a break so I might reflect on the meaning of life and the importance of good power tools. The con-men have moved on to their next victim, I presume. They left angry because I forced them to do everything that was listed on the insurance adjuster’s report and redo their work several times. They still had the last laugh because their best efforts were subpar. (I don’t golf, so when I say subpar I mean bad.)

One example of the quality of their work: while siding the house, they tore 22 window screens. I added repairing the screens to the list of what they had to do if they wished to be paid. That was one of many things we argued about. They finally repaired the screens, but eight of them fell apart before I could put them back up. They used spline that was too thin. Spline is very cheap, so I fixed the problem myself. It was a quick fix. I know you’re judging me for not making them do it. The thing is, I just wanted them to go away. They wore me down. The fact that the word “spline” is now part of my vocabulary pisses me off. I left yelp and google reviews, complained to BBB and I warned my neighbors who were about to submit themselves to the same torture.

I have a new contractor whose work is perfect, especially when compared to that of his predecessor. He’s almost finished with the tasks I could afford. My house was built in 1934, (same as my mom,) and the list of repairs is endless, (same as my mom.) Still, after all the headaches, when I sell, it won’t be listed as a “tear down.”

9. Google has been a useful tool in helping me pass the time until my next blood test. Of every possible illness my results could mean, I’ve chosen the one I want. I just need to get my doctor onboard with my decision. Tick-rock, two more weeks.

Why?

10. La vie est court – life is short. I mentioned a bucket list in one of my recent posts. I now have a “not-on-my-bucket-list,” list. Curious?

  • Bungee jumping,
  • Cliff diving,
  • Online dating, (I’ve looked into it and that’s worth a separate post.)
  • Butt-hole sunning (will not confer with my nerdy doctor because regardless, I’d reject the idea,) Does anyone remember the musical group “Butt-hole Surfers?” I wonder where they are now.
  • And more.

Joke time:

Man to waitress: Can I ask you about the menu please? Waitress: The men I please are none of your business.

A guy in a bar complains, “my wife has cut me down to sex once every week!” His friend replies, “gee, that sucks, but I know some guys she’s cut off completely.”

My boyfriend asked if he was the only one I’ve been with. I said yes, the others were nines and tens. (modified feminist version)

💔

11 thoughts on “My House, is a Very Very Very… um… House

  1. Lydia–do not ever leave this sacred spot. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at this post. But, nevertheless, I did have to see your Josh Brolin and raise you one Tucker Carlson. And his testicle tanning. Your move. **bad pun**

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Woah, holy app update, Batman! I couldn’t figure out how to reply! Thanks Lois, I have no plans to leave, and always choose to laugh. Yeah, please don’t “raise me one.”🤪 And that picture Tucker posted— definitely a body double.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Barbara, thanks. 🧘🏻‍♀️ I’ve laughed at worse things than this! Life can always be worse, like James Brolin with his sunburned butthole. (My 25 year old daughter is horrified by the picture I posted.) 🫣

      Like

      1. Hahaha, I can imagine. Takes more than that to horrify this old girl. My narcissistic husband bought ‘US’ a new washing machine couple days ago, used it for the first time today, after he screamed at me for putting liquid detergent in what he thought was the receptacle for powder only (he was wrong), even though he has been glued to the manual for 3 days. Anyway I went to take out the finished laundry and found I can’t reach the bottom of the 12kg – 26.5lbs tub and had to suspend myself, legs in the air to get the stuff out of the bottom. I was laughing my head off and grateful he couldn’t see me. Next time I think it only fair that I am consulted on whether the machine is suitable for my 5’0′ frame don’t you. Yep laughter is definitely the best medicine and the Hibiscus tea to bring down my bp after the screaming match. I will buy tongs.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That made me laugh! That machine could work in your favor, hazard pay and a hard hat, at least. Hibiscus tea sounds wonderful. I might join you in a cup. I think we’d both fit. (Old joke)

        Liked by 1 person

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