Help Me Siri…

Plain and simple: Today is as cold as a Scotsman’s chimney, and my car won’t start. As always, when faced with a crisis I turn to Siri for help. What does Siri tell me today?

“Okay Lydia love, here’s what I’ve found:” (yes my Siri is a British man who calls me Lydia love- so what?)

1. Cold winter mornings are when most cars won’t start. (big help so far)
2. If the engine turns over it is probably isn’t a battery problem. (Is that good or bad?)
3. There is no i, and there are two t’s in battery. (I should really have known that- I blame brain freeze)
4. It could be an oil, or a fuel problem. (Is that good or bad?)
5. The best solution is prevention— i.e. park in a garage. (Seriously, HOW helpful is it to tell me what I should have done after the fact? Anyway, I do park in a garage. The only warmer spot to park my car would be inside my house, and the doors aren’t wide enough, so what else?)
6. Move to a warmer climate, or…
7. Sell my car.

Now Siri needs to tell me the value of my car, and where we (Siri and I) should move.

My sister (the voice of reason) tells me it would be easier to call AAA, but if Siri can’t help me how could they possibly?

I could just wait until spring and try to start it again.