“I never understood wind, I know windmills very much, I’ve studied them more than anybody…tremendous fumes, gases are spewing into the atmosphere, you know we have a world, the world is tiny compared to the universe..” ~Our beloved IMPOTUS
Those words of wisdom and all of tRump’s statements regarding windmills sparked my interest. He is the self-proclaimed foremost expert on windmills, and he says they’re bad. Why? I endeavored to ascertain why the jenius sayd wut he sed.
“They kill birds,”
specifically bald eagles, (because killing our national bird might generate more public outrage than— say pigeons.) The POTUS who lifted the ban against trophy hunters, like his sons, allowing them to bring back corpses of the endangered species they kill in places like Africa, for sport, is worried about birds.
Where do windmills fall on the list of violent birderers?
- Cats are the number one killer of birds. 2.4 billion birds each year.
- Buildings come in second. Doesn’t tRump own buildings? 599 million deaths by building.
- Vehicles kill 215 million. Speaking of pigeons, I accidentally rolled over one when I was sixteen, and the incident haunts my dreams to this day.
- Poison kills 72 million. Birds eat rats and mice that have consumed poison pellets.
- Power lines, the scenic alternative to windmills cause the death of 26 million birds annually, and probably more squirrels, but who cares about them?
- Telecommunication Towers kill 6.6 million birds per anum, but tRump isn’t trying to take your phone.
- And finally, windmill bird deaths average 234,000.
“Windmills cause cancer.”
Like two scoops-Donny said, “you know we have a world.” Did you know? We do, and now he’s concerned about it, The “tremendous fumes, gases spewing into the atmosphere” from windmills.
I took it upon myself during these past two days to seek interviews with windmill cancer survivors across the country. Unlike other cancers, whose victims lose hair during treatment, windmills cancer victims’ hair likely looks like this. 👇🏼
I searched far and wide, like Forest Gump, but instead of a beard, I grew a unibrow. I was unable to find a single windmill cancer survivor. It’s that deadly…
Pause to take a call from a world-renown oncologist, who many people know, but asked not to be named in my post.
Resume 1.5 minutes later.
She assures me that windmill cancer is not a thing. Hmm.
- Windmills are a clean fuel source. They harness the power of wind for purposes like generating electricity, grinding grain, pumping water. They do not “spew gases” into the air, and unless they’re situated right next to a pump in a gas station. Power plants that rely on combustion of fossil fuels, like coal and natural gas, do emit sciencey stuff: particulate matter, blah blah nitrogen oxides, and blah blah sulfur dioxide—causing human health problems and economic damages.
Dotard’s desire to darken the public’s perception of windmills is personal, and more than just mussing his dew. Specifically, windmills are costing him money.
- tRump has a stake in the fossil fuel industry. His boss Vlad owns Rosneft Oil, and his other boss, Saudi Prince Bonesaw’s economy, depends on the high demand for oil.
What’s the other reason Don the Con hates windmills?
- The Scottish government is building them adjacent to his golf course. He tried suing to stop them but lost, and a judge recently ordered him to pay $290,000 in legal fees to the Scottish government.
And now, you’ve reached the end of my post; the time has come to prepare for the dreaded holiday festivities.
Try to look happy; happy people, keep those chins up.