I could out myself for clumsiness
Or the stupid things I’ve said
The sad fact is this my norm
These incidents widespread
My arms marked up with oven burns
My face has connected with a door
And regarding high heeled oxfords,
Just this week I hit the floor
My awkward attempts at humor
Miss their mark more than they hit
My words are often misconstrued
Am I not bright, or just a shit?
You may surmise that with frequency
These episodes become mundane
This topic bores me to my bones
This is just me, so why complain
I spill and trip and bump and break
My accomplishments replete
Until I humiliate myself somehow
My day is not complete
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The Daily Post, August 3, 2015, Daily Prompt: Isn’t Your Face Red~ When was the last time you were embarrassed? How do you react to embarrassment? <a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/isnt-your-face-red/”>Isn’t Your Face Red</a><a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/isnt-your-face-red/”>Isn’t Your Face Red</a>
I’m covered with burns and healed scars from the uncounted times I’ve sliced off piece of me. I know there’s a mantra that “you are more likely to cut yourself with a dull knife,” but for me, I am simply going to cut myself more deeply and cleanly if the knife is sharp. I keep telling everyone, there are droplets of my blood absolutely EVERYWHERE in this house. CSI would have a ball convicting my husband of something he didn’t do.
I’m thinking about starting a line of bubble wrap apparel.
Actually, I’ve been looking at those chain mail kitchen gloves that are made for people who cut themselves a lot. It’s just that you put gloves on me and I’m even clumsier than I am without them. Maybe bubble wrap IS the way to go. Or get someone else to do KP.