My Scourge- My Appendix

Having just parted ways with a useless body part in a painful manner, I’m left in contemplation and in fear of other useless body parts. 

One in fifteen people in the U.S. will have their appendix removed. Your appendix could potentially kill you. How? If it becomes infected and remains untreated, it could rupture. If it ruptures it spills infectious material into the abdominal cavity, causing other infections which could lead to bacteria in the blood, which could lead to multiple organ failure and worst case scenario, death. If a ruptured appendix, doesn’t kill you, you could end up with a colostomy bag. Personally, I’d rather carry a cute purse with my keys and phone, than a bag filled with my excrement. To my appendix I offer this quote: “We are never ever getting back together”~ Taylor Swift

In contrast, I’d like to thank all the adenoids out there for their selfless service to the human body. The world would be a better place to live in if we all took a lesson from our adenoids. Adenoids are glands that fight infection and bacteria in children. We aren’t born with our adenoids, they grow between the ages of three and five. They work from the time the child is five until seven, fighting bacteria and strengthening the immune system. Once that mission is accomplished they start to shrivel and shrink until the early teens, when they’ve completely disappeared. They are occasionally removed along with tonsils, but more often than not, they serve a purpose and then they leave.

Now let’s briefly discuss some other vestigial body parts:

1. Tailbone- What would we fall on at the roller rink if not for the tailbone to break our fall?

2. Men’s nipples- Just for show, ornamental. They don’t feed babies, so why?

3. Wisdom teeth- Their function is to fund oral surgeons.

4. Foreskin- I suppose it served a function before man started wearing clothes.

5. Body hair- Serves a function… to the economy. Think of the money put into eradicating that plague: wax, razors, lasers, threading, epilady.

6. Darwins Point- A small bump on the inside of the upper ear. Named Darwin’s Point because he mentions it in the opening pages of “The Decent of Man.” This anomaly is shared by ten percent of the population. I happen to be among that ten percent, therefore I conclude that its presence indicates a superior intelect… or Vulcan ancestry.

7. Gallbladder- it stores bile from the liver, but the body can and does function without it. With it, you risk a long list of maladies including gallstones and gallbladder cancer.

8. Tonsils- are said to, along with their pals the adenoids, fight bacteria, but since forty five percent of the population have their tonsils removed without any negative consequence, I say they’re expendable.

9. The little toe- I don’t use mine.

10. Skin- is an organ. I’d like to donate some extra skin that I’ve been holding onto since the birth of my children.

It seems that I’ve turned against all useless body parts in retaliation for an offense by one appendix. I hold no hard feelings toward my appendix, and I offer it one final quote: “Thought I couldn’t live without you It’s gonna hurt when it heals too”~ Leona Lewis
The Daily Prompt, May 20, 2015, Daily Post: Placebo Effect~ If you could create a painless, inexpensive cure for a single ailment, what would you cure and why?<a href=””>Placebo Effect</a><a href=””>Placebo Effect</a>

13 thoughts on “My Scourge- My Appendix

  1. Men have nipples to distract women much the way women hypnotize men. …Over here. Watch them wiggle as I do my Terry Crews flex.

    I think those who lose their wisdom teeth lose some of their sanity. I think my mother did. I think those who retain them are blessed or cursed with things like ESP.

    Body hair is the side effect of goose bumps and covering the body for long, long periods of time…and rampant sex. Man used to have more body hair. Getting it back is a bit like reversing evolution for necessity. I am regularly cold in a moderate climate, therefor I grow body hair.

    I like your use of music.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I no longer have my nipples or naval, but I have my appendix. Long gone, the gallbladder. Lots of replacement parts. But in the spare parts department, my appendix comforts me because I know I still have something with which to negotiate.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. As long as the brain is functioning I suppose… I gave up my reproductive organs a long time ago, but I was done with them. I think I should appear thinner than I do with all the missing ingredients.


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