The Orange Globe Award Nominations are Out

It’s award season, and because Conald, the guy with the codes, has been ignored by the likes of Nobel, Time Magazine, and Heisman, I will bestow my own awards, and call them “The Orange Globe Awards.”

These are the nominees for administration 45, in the categories of—

Most consistently “disturbed” and “concerned,” while putting party over country:

  • Susan Collins
  • Lisa Murkowski
  • Mitt Romney
  • Obstructive White House Personnel:

    • Bill Barr
    • Mike Pompeo
    • Steve Mnuchin
    • Mike Pence

    Ex-White House staff continuing to obstruct the impeachment investigation, (but say they’ll testify when the time is right):

    • John Bolton
      James Mattis
      Robert Blair
  • Current White House Staff refusing to testify in impeachment hearings:

    • Michael Duffy
    • Mick Mulvaney
    • Bill Barr
    • Mike Pence

    Outsiders who are messing with our democracy:

    • Rudi Giuliani- Ukraine scandal coordinator
    • Mark Zuckerberg- allowing blatant political disinformation ads on Facebook
    • Mark Burnett- Pursuing Vladimir Putin as Next Reality TV Star (story below)

    • Vladimir Putin

    Most loyal current staff despite knowledge of criminal activity:

    • Mick Mulvaney
    • Kellyanne Conway
    • Steven Miller
    • Mike Pence

    Most obnoxious spoiled delusional family member:

    • Melancholy
    • Ivanka
    • Kushner
    • Junior
    • Eric

    Pastors and would-be prophets elected to office:

    • Mike Huckabee,
    • Marco Rubio,
    • Doug Collins.

    Politicians licensed in the medical profession, who you wouldn’t trust to water your house plant:

    • Rand Paul
    • Tom Price
    • Ben Carson.

    Members of Congress you love to hate:

    • Doug Collins
    • Devin Nunes
    • Matt Gaetz
    • Lindsey Graham
    • Mitch McConnell
    • John Kennedy (doesn’t deserve the name)
    • Elise Stefanik
    • Jim Jordan
    • Rand Paul
  • Most suspicious suicide by hanging:

    • Thomas Bower, Who? The boss of Deutsche Bank employee, and son of then SCOTUS Kennedy. Justin Kennedy signed off on Trump’s loans, and SCOTUS Kennedy retired abruptly making room for iLikeBeer Kavanaugh.
    • Jeffrey Epstein, pedophile child sex trafficker for the rich and powerful. Bill Barr publicly announced the “suicide” immediately after the body was found before any investigation had taken place.

    A lifetime achievement award to the POTUS who most deserved impeachment:

    • IMPOTUS 45
  • I know all the nominees are honored just to be included among all the assholes mentioned. Everybody is a loser in this contest. Congratulations to all, and may you all retire soon.

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