I’d Like to Try This at Home

It is said that a man who acts as his own attorney has a fool for a client. Did an attorney pen that quote? I don’t know. What do I know? Since the economy took a nose dive over a decade ago, more people have been acting as their own: attorneys, realtors, contractors, pet groomers, manicurists, landscapers, etc., to try to survive the economic downswing. I act as my own handyman, and as of yet, there have been no accidental deaths resulting from my self sufficiency. 

For me, this “I Am a Rock” mentality started a little more than a decade after Simon and Garfunkel released that hit single, back when I started my elementary school education. I am a product of the Chicago public school system, and therefore consider myself homeschooled. I was my own: teacher, principal, superintendent, and valedictorian- that says something about the success of doing it yourself. Had I continued along these lines, perhaps today I’d be an honorary rocket scientist or brain surgeon. Acting as my own interior decorator- now that decision is regrettable. 

There is one thing in particular that I did not accomplish for myself, but with the help of Google and YouTube, I think I could have pulled it off. I would have liked to perform my own emergency appendectomy. I say this, not because I’m not cheap, although I am financially challenged, but it’s more than that.

Don’t tell my emergency room surgeon I said this, but he is human, and as such has his own concerns: wondering if it’s going to rain on his golf outing, what color Porsche his child would like for his sixteenth birthday, things like that. I understand that we all have problems and concerns that occupy our minds at inopportune moments. Mine are just a bit more basic. 

If I had the ability to be my own surgeon, things would be different, because I care more than the ER doctor did what I look like when I’ve healed. Now, after two laparoscopic surgeries, I’ve got a connect the dot puzzle in the works on my abdomen- six x’s of different shapes and dimensions, where robotic arms, and lighted cameras navigated my innards to remove parts of my body that were on the attack. How hard could that be? I learned how to use a selfie stick in under an hour, is robotic surgery really that different? Me thinks not. I could anesthetize myself later in celebration of a job well done. 

*I apologize to the following, whom may have been offended had they read my post: Teachers, principals, superintendents, anyone with an education, interior decorators, landscapers, attorneys, surgeons, surgical robots, rich sixteen year olds, realtors, contractors, pet groomers, manicurists, rocket scientists… who knows, I probably offended Simon and Garfunkel too. 

Carpe Diem


The Daily Post, Ju e 11, 2015, Daily Prompt: I am A Rock~ Is it easy for you to ask for help when you need it, or do you prefer to rely only on yourself? Why?<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/i-am-a-rock/”>I Am a Rock</a><a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_prompt/i-am-a-rock/”>I Am a Rock</a>

2 thoughts on “I’d Like to Try This at Home

  1. You sound just like my mom. She wished she could’ve done the stitching on her legs instead too! She said that the doctor ‘murdered’ her legs. She’s hesitant to wear shorts from then on.

    Liked by 1 person

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