Passive Aggressive Living

‘Passive Aggressive Living’ is my idea for a periodical, nothing like ‘Country Living.’
It encompasses life with ‘Person-A,’ a 91-year-old parent (a carnivore) who moved in with ‘Human-B,’ the aging offspring, (a vegan) suffering from depression and anxiety caused in part by repressed anger.
(This may not be about me.)

The magazine will feature random glossy photos of items mentioned on a split page with dialogue.

B: “Add what you need or want to list. I’m going shopping.”
A: “Get something different. I’m tired of the same things. There is severe weather in the south. So much flooding, destruction, death… what to do?”
B: “Write what you want on the list.”
A: “You decide.”

Person-B arrives home after shopping to find an empty ‘Tums’ container on the table. Holding it up, asks:

B: “Does this mean you need Tums?”
A: “Yes. I’m completely out.”
B: “Please put that on the new list.”

Three more stops to get Person-A food and drugs. Did I mention ‘Person-B’ hates shopping?

B: “Okay, I’m going to run errands again. Is there anything else you can think of that is not on the list?”
A: “Nope.”

B gets home to find A’s empty hearing-aid replacement part kit on the table. No words are exchanged. Now, a call must be made to the hearing-aid center to schedule a time to pickup the parts is required.

Human-A also doesn’t mention a prescription is out of refills and empty, until- “

A: I took the last pill today.”

B calls A’s doctor (an asshole) to ask for a refill.

B: “Can you send it to a mail order pharmacy?”
Dr: “NO. It’s too much work.”

Home again after shopping. Human-A watches Person-B put things away.

A: [Sigh] “Why did you buy that?”
B: “Because you like chicken, and rotisserie is healthier and cheaper than those single serving packages of chicken salad. It will be good with this (non-iceberg) salad.”

A: [Sigh] “I suppose I’ll have to eat it. Don’t buy it again. When is – – – coming back, I need help eating all that.”
B: “I don’t know. Just eat what you want and don’t worry about anyone else.”

Blueberry muffins have been the preferred breakfast for Human-A since moving in. But, last week, A wrote bran muffins on the list. Person-B complied. Bran muffins required a separate stop. They’re not sold in the regular haunts.

Three days since the last shopping excursion, Person-B double-checks the list and what foods appear to be missing. Human-A didn’t write muffins on the list, but only one muffin remains.

B: “Would you like me to pick up bran muffins again this time?”
A: “I like bran muffins.”
B: “So, your choice is bran instead of blueberry?”
A: “They’re nutritious.”
B: “So, is that what you want me to get?”
A: “I SAID I like them!”
B: “That is NOT what I asked you.”
A: “Tornadoes, flooding, trees down… so much destruction. What can a person do?”
B: [head explodes] “A person can stop watching the weather channel. None of that is happening in this state.”

B looks out the kitchen window to see the neighbor blowing leaves onto the property. It’s spring.
FML – (Not my life.)