Greetings, fools with money. Has anyone else noticed all the corporate conglomerates are raising their prices without improving service? No? Well, it’s just me then. I’ll share my story while you munch on your breakfast of caviar on toast points.
It isn’t paranoia if it’s really happening, and it is. I believe Netflix, Apple, T-Mobile, Amazon Prime, Xfinity, Hulu, and now Google, all met to discuss fleecing me. The plan is to do so at the same time, to overwhelm me with their attacks, assuming I’ll lie down and give them free access to my bank routing and account numbers.
Listen, I love everyone and everything, all that I see, smell, hear, touch, and taste. I am joy personified. But, I hate “THE MAN.” As of late, I have spent every waking hour on the phone fighting the corporations mentioned above. I have worked to persuade (with kindness) the underpaid employees to stop reading their scripts and give me back my price.
Corporations have made record profits since the pandemic, and they don’t pay their fair share in taxes, so I’m not going down without a fight. I need to keep my costs down so I can continue to live my so-called life. The games “the man” plays are exhausting and predictable.
My week started, like yours, on Monday. 😜 I received an Xfinity bill (Wi-Fi) that included these words, “as per our last email message, your monthly bill has increased $20.”
Um, no, it hasn’t. What email? It took me a long time to find the phone number on their website to call, to speak to a human. Much later, someone spoke. I had fallen asleep, drooling, half unconscious. I used my fingers to peel my eyes open, tearing the lashes apart from the sleep that glued them closed. Where am I? What day is it?
“Oh my god. HELLO?”
Now I have Stockholm syndrome. I sympathize with my captor. To be fair, the under paid employees who answer the phone are not to blame.
“Yes, how may I assist you?”
“Hi! Thank you for answering! I want my old price back.”
“Please hold.” A few days and all the Beatles songs later, they reconnected with an offer, “I have a great deal for you, blah blah blah a free phone with a new number…”
“No. I only have Wifi with you. I have a different phone service. I don’t want a free phone with new number. (The demographic for that would be unfaithful lovers and politicians.) I want my price back.”
“Please hold. I’ll see if I can find you another promotion.”
[Dog pees on floor.]
“Hello, thank you for your patience.”
“I need to end this call, my mother is old, can you please…”
“I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t think you understand what I’m offering you.”
On and on we go. My dog poops. Finally, my bill is restored to the previous price, for 12 months, at which point they’ll hike the price to equal my mortgage, and I’ll do this all again.
I had a friend whose husband worked as a car salesman. Did you know they attend weeks of training to learn how to mess with your mind? It’s psychological warfare. They follow a script, and before they seal any deal, they say they need to talk to the boss to make sure they can give you this deal that is a money loser for them. (I’m special.) Then they go to the break-room to drink coffee and eat puppies. That is when the financing henchman is tagged in.
I remember that lesson my friend shared and apply it to every scenario. I keep my Manolo Blahnik heels dug firmly in. Just kidding, they’re the red-soled 4” heeled Christian Louboutins. Okay, I don’t own any shoes by those designers, but I’d be willing to accept a free pair if Manolo or Christian are reading.
What I am wearing are hunter green rubber rain boots from Aldi that were purchased on sale for $4.99. Yes, that’s right, and I don’t care. They leak, so my socks are wet, and I spilled a bit of rock-salt in them. Don’t feel bad. The friction is exfoliating my feet.
Anyway, for the past few weeks, every time I open an email I get a message that tells me my cup runneth over, and soon I won’t be able to send or receive emails. For a low, low charge, I can purchase extra space. Yes, now Google wants my money. My phone has 300 GB and I pay for the imaginary cloud. How can they threaten to delete my pictures, emails, and documents?
Every photo that wasn’t a sharp shot of people, animals, and places, important memories in my life is gone. I deleted them to recoup space. Hundreds, if not thousands, of photographs, it was like “Sophie’s Choice.” How is this possible? I’ll tell you. For every photo, I deleted, they create copies of the undeleted photos. It’s a racket.
Yes, I sent them this message.
Dearest Google Photos,
Oh, hi.
Why are there suddenly so many duplicate and triplicate copies of my pictures? It almost looks like a you’re trying to force me to pay for space. I realize the tone of this message is harsh, and there is a reason. I have spent HOURS DELETING PHOTOS.
I checked your trouble shooting page and see that someone else asked the same question, and you locked the answers.
You suck, for real.
Lydia *******
A lot from Lydia 
Oh, yes–the old ‘in our previous email’ BS. Hey Google! Send me a copy of that email, along with the date it was sent to my email address. Oh, that’s another department? A likely story.
It’s a racket, Lydia. They don’t play by the rules because they make the rules and change them constantly. We will never win.
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They know how busy people are and count on that. When I was working crazy hours I might have missed most of these incremental hikes. The odds are in their favor.
Seriously though, the Google thing crossed the line. I’m not done with them.
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I had a similar experience with Blue Host just a couple of weeks ago. They actually tried to get me to agree to a higher price than the one they emailed me. I sent them a screen shot of the email. Wound up paying less than even the emailed price. It took a couple of hours to get there. It is definitely collusion. These corporate big wigs meet up at Mar a Lago/Bedminster and plot against the plebes.
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I’m sure they do it because they get away with it most of the time.
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