We Are All Donald Trump

That is a deceptive title, and I don’t intend it the way it reads. Hear me out.

Many people (me) are saying, that the Orange Menace lied, when self reporting his height and tonnage. That has enraged an elite group of gamblers, upset because bets pertaining to the truth were made and gains lost. Would it shock anyone to learn that Mister Trump himself was in on the betting and was the only idiot to guess 215 lbs? He’s dumb like a fox, and the money riding on the unveiling of his actual load would have yielded him 100% of the winnings. Oddsmakers set the over-under for Trump’s weight before his booking at 278.5 lbs, far above the 244 lbs that White House physician Sean Conley recorded for Trump in 2020.

That is simply my conjecture. I have no way of knowing if he did that, but it wouldn’t be surprised to find out he did. It could just be vanity and delusion.

I had Trump’s beastly burden pegged at 320 lbs.

Let me tell you, my disappointment in the announcement had nothing to do with wagered money, but rather the stain that even salt won’t lift from my honed skill. Had they made the criminal stand on a scale, I might have landed a coveted carnival job. I have always aspired to work at a ‘guess your weight and age’ booth. Now that can never happen.

When I was young and my heart was an open book (thanks Paul) my driver’s license had me at my dream height, or as close to it as could be believed if I wore 5” stilettos. (I only ever attempted the 4” variety.) My girth was an accurate depiction, if taken after a week of a bad bout of stomach flu. As I enter the sixth of my nine lives, I have corrected the inaccuracies and now can be pulled over, by law enforcement, with the confidence of someone who doesn’t expect a raised eyebrow upon the ID’s inspection.

We learned yesterday that Donald Trump wishes he was 6’3”. We know that at best, with his insoles, he is 6’0”.

If Trump weighs 215 lbs, then so do I. My 7 lbs Maltese also weighs 215. We are all 6’3, 215 lbs, and no one is bald. Say nothing of the strawberry-blond ferrets on our heads. Perhaps his hair gives him the extra height, and he only has one foot on the scale. My point is, we are all Donald Trump when we lie on our driver’s license.

On another note, there has been a bit of excitement regarding the trial date that Fani Willis requested in response to the co-defendant, Ken Cheeseburger, Cheeseburger, Cheeseburger’s demand for a speedy trial. Fani asked the judge for an October 24, 2023, trial date for all 19 offenders in the case.

The judge granted the date. And we heard the sound of corks popping around the world. It was sadly premature, giving no one pleasure because the judge only agreed to that date for the meat sandwich. This will present the attorneys for the remaining defendants with an advantage in the form of a glimpse at the evidence and witness testimony. Wait, does the mister have any lawyers left?

Recycled joke time-

Two cannibals sat around a campfire, eating a clown. One looked at the other and asked, “Does this taste funny to you?”