That’s It, I Quit

I am an expert in this one thing. My internet bill doubled this week, but I didn’t bat an eye because this is August, and August is when my so called twelve month promotional rate ends. When it ends I call my internet provider and tell them I want to quit them. That puts me straight through to the internet mafia crisis control team who make me an offer I can refuse, a small discount off the doubled price. I say just cancel my service. They don’t give up. We go back and forth, and because I am so convincing in my performance in the roll of That’s It, I Quit, I’m Moving On, they give me back my “twelve month promotional price”. I’ve done this every August for five years.

Today I called the dsl internet cartel. I was put through to crisis control as I expect I would be. I could have mouthed the words coming over the receiver when the man offered me a paltry discount off the doubled price, to which I said no, just cancel it, because I have a better offer. This guy obviously didn’t understand the rules here, because he said “Okay“. Excuse me? “When do you want the service cut off.” Bastard! And I have entered an alternate universe.

Just as the school year commences, this mom of the year strikes again. I have severed all ties to the outside world. Should I tell my son or feign ignorance and hope he doesn’t notice…no link to school, no video streaming, no games, no cloud…noooo! My hundred year old house has been sucked out of cyberspace and catapulted into a vortex where everything I thought I knew is wrong. We are one with the Amish. I imagine my car has been replaced with a mule…I can only hope the mule is carrying a nice Cole Haan saddle bag on it’s back.

Given  choice I’m sure my son would prefer I cancel our oxygen. Come to think of it, if I thought it would save some money I might do that too.  I know nothing.

I Can Quit You

________________________________
August 29, 2016, Daily Prompt: Expert~<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/expert/”>Expert</a&gt;