Dear NACAC, My many thanks for the checklist, which I’m sure was very helpful to my daughter in perfecting her “sickness”.
What is Wrong With My Teen?
lack of studying✔️
repeated absences✔️
a generally dismissive attitude✔️
laziness✔️
An over-excessive wearing of:
track pants✔️
old athletic shirts✔️
sweatpants✔️
athletic shorts✔️
sweatshirts✔️
Not listed, but also applicable:
lives in squalor✔️
dependent on sugar and caffine✔️
apathetic✔️
narcoleptic tendencies✔️
borrows things without asking, and doesn’t return them (stealing)✔️
perpetual texting✔️
only ever says “I know mom”✔️
(check, check, check + check) squared
According to The National Association for College Admissions Counseling, aka NACAC,
The diagnosis is . . . Senioritis.
My prognosis is . . . Buh bye, and enjoy your life at the dorm.
Now that we know that this a disease, and not just a series of bad choices, I wonder if health insurance will subsidize her tuition. One result of this infirmity is that there will be no academic or athletic scholarship money.
Perhaps homeowners insurance will foot the bill for a cleaning service to assist me in correcting the ruin she has left in her slovenly wake, also caused by this plague.
Is this affliction natures way of making the inevitable separation of parent and child, not only tolerable, but ideal? Is the impending departure now something to be lauded rather than lamented? I have to be honest with you about this, I never really thought I’d want a workout room in my house, but given the alternative, I’m thinking maybe I do.
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