Let me start, proceed, and end by telling you things you already knew. Scroll down if you would like to confirm, I offer this information without mercenary intentions. No click-bait here, not one iota (rhymes with Ray Leota), of advertising exists on this blog, there are no requests for money, and most impressively, there is no point to anything I say.
I really want this to be a poem, but I’m shying away from rhyming in fear of more requests that I be a rapper… okay, there was only a suggestion that one of my recent political rants sounded rap…y.
If I were mercenary, that is likely where I’d attempt to make money, but who needs that? I have an adequate cardboard box, in a good spot, and my neighbors haven’t tried to kill me, so what more could I need?
As a bitter white woman on the downward slope of middle age, the competition as a rapper in my demographic couldn’t be too intense.
I may hone that skill and possibly “drop vinyl” at a later date. Perhaps after I have succumbed to the constant barrage of AARP harassment. Stay tuned on that front.
Stop interrupting and let me get to the point of today’s post, said my inner voice.
It is New Year, and I will venture guess some, if not most, of you woke up with varying degrees of alcohol poisoning, more enablingly (new word) known as a hangover. If you can focus on my tiny words it can’t be all that bad, so there is no need to call an ambulance. Still, this is not a good way to begin a year. I’m not your mother, (unless you are one of my 3 children), so you have my sympathy without the bonus lecture.
Instead, as a courtesy, I took it upon myself to scroll through social media this morning on your behalf. My intention being to save you the trouble, by summing it all up in one place with no ads… again, I am not interested in buying a tarp for my box.
If you took this task upon yourself today, you would find endless offers of self improvement lists, most typically presented as 7 or 8 facts. None of these facts are new information. Use the force Luke, you had the power to go home all along Dorothy, all you had to do was bust a move. (There really is a rapper trapped inside me.)
Today’s social media topics were chosen to appeal to people suffering with hangovers.
Do not bother to read any of real the following—
7 ways to avoid a hangover. (Yes, seriously.)
8 things you should know about marriage/divorce/parenthood. (Avoid all three if possible.)
8 types of people to eliminate from your life in 2018. (Assholes.)
7 foods to eat that help you avoid aging. (They’re all green, but contain no food coloring.)
8 must have wardrobe items. (They’re all black.)
7 ways to save money. (Get a job and don’t buy anything.)
7 best things to buy at 7-eleven. (If you need any of them, you’ve lowered your life expectancy by 7 years.)
7 ways to get from here to there. (Get off the couch.)
You are welcome. I do have one idea for a list of my own, and perhaps it will be the title of my post tomorrow—
7 reasons blogging is not a lucrative profession. (This is an over saturated market.)
Damn, I gave it away.