Long After the Birth of the 2008 Financial Crisis, The Republicans Want Another Baby

Who remembers the financial crisis of 2008? Anyone?? Anyone?? Bueller??

Like the pain of childbirth, the economic contraction that burst the housing bubble and led to epidural bank bailouts that were as ineffective as self hypnosis at relieving said pain felt while birthing oversized billionaires with giant heads, it all seems to have been forgotten. 

The placenta was buried like a quarter of the net worth of the middle class. Stocks, like sagging breasts, dropped 45%. Retirement became the imagined happy place that didn’t exist…an elusive unicorn in the morning fog— breathe, breathe, PUSH!!! 

What happened to my body after giving birth happened to the U.S. economy. The imbalanced redistribution of wealth was much like my weight…because pre-baby weight and post baby weight might be the same but nothing is where it had been prior. 

The pelvic floor dropped out of the housing market, so people (like my legs) foreclosed. Abandoned and delapidated foreclosed homes were hemorrhoids on once beautifully landscaped neighborhoods. What was once a lovely one lane country road, is now a four lane superhighway with sink holes. 

Retirement age meant nothing because retirement funds dragged on the ground like a prolapsed uterus. 

Much like a sleep deprived couple with a colicky baby, the divide grew between the extremely rich and the middle class. The middle class ended up with all the stretch marks after the crisis, the poor were not really affected, but the top 1% got much richer. 

Like a bladder that leaks with every sneeze, the world economy was pissed away as well. 
Why can’t they all be C-sections? 

After that, those of us who kept our (what’s the plural…a flock of utereese, uteri, utérus es) receptacles, we went on birth regulation…which isn’t covered under the republican healthcare bill. Banks nevertheless unwillingly had their tubes tied.

On Thursday, while we were all basking in the afterglow of James Comey’s testimony, House Republicans tendered a 580-page bill that would deregulate the banking industry…again.
As it happens, Viagra is covered by the republican healthcare bill, and since Republicans hold the majority in congress they are enjoying collectively screwing us over and over again. House Democrats along with just one Republican defector, Walter Jones, were the prophylactic that broke. The Financial Choice Act, was approved in the House 233 to 186, and now swims onward to the Senate for conception. 

We must give them no choice but to abort this bill before it births another financial crisis. 

Call your senators. 


<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/tender/”>Tender</a&gt;

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