I am feeling strangely optimistic with the New Year. I’m not afraid to admit it, but last year kind of sucked. Now that it’s over and I have a clean slate I need to write out my goals for 2016. Mind you, these are not resolutions, but a to-do list. Resolutions are broken almost immediately, whereas to-do lists are hacked away at all year. Every idiot makes and breaks resolutions…this idiot has a to-do list. 2016 added together make 9… I will therefore to-do nine things this year, or possibly just today.
1) First things first, and since I haven’t been to the gym all year, that will be at the top of my list today. It is one of the few places open for business today, and probably their busiest day of the year because every idiot has exercise at the top of their New Years Resolutions list. Let me remind you that this idiot doesn’t do resolutions. Those people will only clog up the gym for a couple of months at best. This idiot will still be there come December.
2) I haven’t spoken to a soul all year, so re-connecting with people is way up on my to-do list.
3) I haven’t done laundry all year, yet oddly it hasn’t accumulated since last year…but the sweaters are almost dry.
4) I will be performing certain repairs on my house in 2016. Unfortunately the need for repair is continuous, and is multiplied exponentially with each teenager living in ones house. Last year, (last week) a teenager holiday gift exchange party that I allowed to take place in my home resulted in a burnt out motor on my garbage disposal. Somehow two marbles ended up in the drain— did I mention these were teenagers, not young children? Well they were teenagers and not young children. My research and troubleshooting has lead me to believe that I need to face facts and pull the plug on my disposal…although it hums it is dead. Which leads me to item 4 on my list: purchase and replace garbage disposal. I should be able to figure it out…I have all year. I think the home improvement stores are also open today…probably another pathetic New Years resolution surge in business.
5) De-junk my trunk. I will go through every drawer, every closet, my attic and crawl space and feng shui all the junk away. My goal in this is to piss off my garbage man because he rejected one too many bags of my leaves in 2015. I’ve researched the trash rules and now that I fully understand my rights as a trash paying citizen, I will have the maximum trash allowable waiting for him every week of the year 2016. If I have to throw away perfectly good furniture to accomplish this goal, so be it. Revenge is sweet indeed. Mwahaha
6) This year I will stop publishing every stupid thought I have. I will accomplish his by randomly editing out words or paragraphs. I am after all ___ just any idiot.
7) I will devote an hour a day toward my goal of writing a novel. I will find this extra hour by not cooking for or feeding my children.
8) I will commit fully to everything I endeavor to-do. For example, I pretend to be French. To fully commit, I will now eat only baguettes and brie, and drink red wine with more frequency. I will also stop shaving my arm pits and bathe half as often.
9) Speaking of bathing, I have just become painfully aware that I have yet to shower in the year 2016, so off I go.
Bonne Année mes amis!
Happy New Year Friends!
Photo credit: Unknown- stolen off Facebook.
The Daily Post, January 1, 2016, Daily Post: Stroke of Midnight~ Where were you last night at midnight? Would you have wanted to be somewhere else?<a href=”https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/stroke-of-midnight/”>Stroke of Midnight</a>