I went to a luncheon with a group of work friends yesterday. I knew and liked everyone there, and was in my element…until I was made aware of the fact that I was, in truth, different. Someone on the far side of the long, long table chimed in: “So Lydia, is anyone dating anyone new?” All eyes were suddenly on me. My initial response was: “How should I know what everyone is doing?” And as I looked around the table it dawned on me, everyone else present was in a long standing committed relationship. Not my sharpest moment. 

“When you say anyone, do you mean me?” 

Haha, she did. 

It is not my favorite thing to be singled out for being single. Another person, a man, chimed in: “You are intimidating to men because you are so independent. You do everything for yourself, it’s unnerving for a guy not to be needed.” 
I became a little defensive and felt like I had to justify my status by explaining what I believe is standing between me and a (non imaginary) boyfriend. The real problem is that I will only agree to date someone who is Colin Firth, but he’s married and we’ve never met, so no, I’m not dating. I have actually recently substantially lowered my standards. These days I would consider dating someone who is not Colin Firth, but is Colin Firth-ish. 

What does that mean? Let me spell it out. To be Colin Firth-ish, a man must possess at least four of the six qualities listed below: 

• Tall, dark, handsome
• Well groomed and an impeccable dresser
• Intelligent
• Sense of humor
• A gentleman who opens doors and picks up checks
• Interchangeable with Jane Austen’s Mr. Darcy (in my mind)
**Bonus points for British dialect

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m projecting qualities onto someone whom I don’t know, and it is very possible that Colin Firth has no more than two of the above qualities. It could be that the British dialect only makes him sound intelligent, he might expect me to pitch in for a meal, he might not have a sense of humor, and he might even be more like Mr. Bingley than Mr. Darcy for all I know.

That said, I imagine these qualities and visualize a man who embodies them all. The well groomed, impeccable dresser who is intelligent and funny— he is most likely European, and probably gay. This might be the real reason I’m not dating.

The Daily Post, November 18, 2015, Daily Prompt: The Outsiders~Tell us about the experience of being outside, looking in — however you’d like to interpret that.<a href=””>The Outsiders</a>

10 thoughts on “Lunch

  1. “You are intimidating to men because you are so independent. You do everything for yourself, it’s intimidating.”
    Don’t you just love that? “What am I supposed to do, dumbarse? sit around with my 3 kids (4 for me) waiting for a MAN to change the light bulb? fix the fuse so I can cook dinner? mow the lawn? earn the MONEY, for goodness sake!’

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Dang, Lydia! When I read ‘luncheon’ I got a little squeamish. Then, work friends–seriously! What in the hell? What is wrong with being independent?! I have always told my daughter, I don’t care what you do but always, always, have your own bank account. I think you handled it well, but I would be avoiding luncheons with this crowd from now on. Geez……

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Interesting. I’ve taught my daughters that relationships are more fulfilling when each person brings 100% of themselves into the commitment. If you’ve invested in yourself, why wouldn’t you want your partner to do the same? BTW, Mr. Darcy is the cat’s meow:)

    Liked by 1 person

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