Lydia, A Lot From
She died alone in the driveway of her house near the Loch some time in February. Her body was discovered in the spring thaw, when enough snow finally melted to make her lovely youthful form visible. She will be buried with her snow shovel, as the coroner was unable to pry it loose from her fingers.
Her age, as well as her weight and salary, remains none of our business.
Often misunderstood, Lydia’s acrimonious mordant humor was nonpareil. Was she really just kidding, or was she just completely insane.
Her brain has been donated to science, and her heart has been donated to her imaginary British boyfriend Colin Firth… sigh.
Her love of the written word never: waned, diminished, abated, lessened, syncopated, atrophied…
Legend has it that although her veins contained not a single drop of Scottish blood, she often thought in a Scottish dialect. She spoke pirate fluently, but never left her house wearing an eyepatch or hook hand.
Lydia’s loss will be lamented by her excellent, but thankless wee spawn… Who have recently been heard wailing “Who will do our laundry now?” She also leaves behind two dogs and a bearded dragon.
Lydia was born in the Windy City, which might explain the hair.
The Daily Post
March 3, 2015
In Loving Memory
Write your own obituary.