Are You Ready?

Ask a bee to make honey
or demand fruit from a tree
tell someone to be funny
it’s a vague …

Forget my lame poem, I just thought of a situation that fits, (kinda sort of) into the parameters of this prompt.

You will either find this funny, or you will be offended, and consider a call to social services:

Let’s set the scene…

Spring 2009, a very chilly day in the place I reside with my children. The daffodils are sprouting and the lilac bushes are beginning to bud.

I am a third shift working mom of three, who catches up on sleep while driving herself home from work. I work all night and drive the kids to their activities all afternoon before returning to work. I am what you get when train wreck, and a hot mess procreate- and I am the pick of the litter.

** Disclaimer
I have been known, (only when under duress, and never in front of the children), to use language that would prevent a truck driver from kissing his mother. “You kiss your mother with that mouth?”

So, onto the thing that happened.

I was driving one child to swim practice, and while she was
de-car-ing I shot my 9 year old son a text. He was at home, and I needed to pick him up to take him to baseball practice. The text I thought I sent was “Are you ready to get picked up.”

I sent the message, and then looked at my phone (the order of this transaction was my tragic flaw). Can you guess? *AutoCorrect changed the text from “Are you ready to get picked up?” to…
“Are you ready to get fu€£ed up.”

Yes, the worlds greatest mom strikes again!

I was sick to my stomach, wretched. I texted him again.
“That last text was *AutoCorrect! I’m so sorry! Ignore it!”- no response.

I called my other daughter who was thirteen at the time, and told her what happened, and asked her to find out if he read it, and if not to delete it.

The story ends happily. My son never saw the text because his phone wasn’t charged, and I’ve since turned over a new leaf by down grading my expletives to those of a taxi driver.

*AutoCorrect often replaces correctly spelled words with words used repeatedly in previous texts on your phone.
Aug 18, 2014
Uncanned Laughter
A misused word, a misremembered song lyric, a cream pie that just happened to be there: tell us about a time you (or someone else) said or did something unintentionally funny.

3 thoughts on “Are You Ready?

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