Let me start at the beginning-
This was a lovely summer morning. it is unseasonably cool for August. The birds were singing, and there was a soft gentle breeze sending the scent of summer wild flowers through my open window. I set my coffee pot to brew and headed upstairs to ready myself for another work day.
On this day of our Lord 9 August 2014, it was incumbent on me to select a new pair of support hose to wear, because my other stockings were all still hanging to dry. My choice was of two pairs, both still packaged in the box they were sold in, one was a new brand for me, the other my tried and true brand.
After the mornings typical ablutions, I proceeded to pull out my work clothes. This was where the day took a turn for the worse.
I chose the new, untried support hose, for no reason other than somedays it’s good to mix things up. The stockings were very stiff, and I could barely get my foot into them. I persevered, knowing that once I get them on and have worn them, they will stretch out, and all will be well. Pulling and stretching I struggled for what seemed like hours, but in reality was only several minutes. I decided to use brute force, and got them to the middle of my thighs, breaking two fingernails in the process.
The birds had stopped singing, and the soft gentle scented breeze quieted.
I was covered in sweat at that point, which added to the difficulty of the situation. Out of breath, and a bit dizzy from the exertion I laid back on the bed. A tear escaped each eye, and rolled down my cheeks. A bead of sweat rolled down my other cheeks.
I had a flashback to this past winter. My car stuck in the snow and unable to move forward or backward. My thighs were the road, and the support hose my car, not moving up or down. Panicking, my thoughts became irrational… “They’ll find me this way, dead, atrophied, support hose halfway up.” If they find me before I die, they’ll have to cut me out of these things, my legs may need to be amputated because the blood is not getting past the line where the stockings are stuck, halfway up.
I looked at the clock. Twenty minutes had passed since this wrestling match started. I’d be late for work, and in need of another bath if I didn’t figure this out soon.
I stood up, got my thumbs in the stockings, jumped and pulled. My thumbs punctured the $100. pair of stockings. Decision made. I hopped over to my dresser, and picked up a pair of scissors, cut myself out of the stockings, and took a deep breath. I grabbed a pair of my old stretched stockings which are not completely dry, and got ready for work.
The birds resumed their song, the gentle breeze picked up again, and all was right with the world once more.
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When life gives you lemons… make something else. Tell us about a time you used an object or resolved a tricky situation in an unorthodox way.