• to pick up a child,
• to bring the child when I go to their dentist appointment. ( I haven’t actually done this one, but my kids dentist told me about another tired mom who’s child needs braces, as does my son. He referred us to the same orthodontist. He gave that mom the ex-rays of her child’s teeth and the orthodontists business card. He said “call them and make an appointment for a consultation, and take the ex-rays with you.” The next week the orthodontist called him and asked him to please also tell the parents to bring the kids to the appointment.” Okay, I admit, that made me feel better about myself… for a minute.)
When I am tired is when I get clumsy. I burn, bang, and drop things. My forehead and my legs are covered in battle wounds.
I get careless and misplace things, sometimes never to find them. Sometimes they turn up.
This is what happened on Saturday-
I stop at Walmart (Hellmart) after work to pick up a crock pot because yesterday, after a day of slow cooking a beautiful feast in my crockpot, I arrive home from work, lift the lid and inhale deliciousness. I then realize the lid in my hand is damn hot, and I drop it. The crockpot lid shatters, leaving the food covered in shards of glass.
So today, I am purchasing a new crockpot, as well as a few grocery items so that I can try to recreate the meal (baby), that I threw out with the crockpot (bath water).
I walk through the store in an exhausted trance, always behind shopping cart drivers who are out for a stroll with their thirteen children, who have no regard for the poor wretch who is trying to get around them so that their life can proceed at the speed of sound pace it has been set at.
I maneuver my cart around the entire population of the town I live in, and their extended families, pick out the next crockpot I’ll likely break, as well as veggies, dog food, etc. My cart is full of stuff that I vaguely remember putting in my cart.
I head to check out and get a series of text messages at the worst possible time. I should be ignoring them until later. It is a 3 way text with two friends who I work with, very funny ladies, and it is very diverting. Checking out at Walmart is not an ideal time to be diverted from the task at hand. I am responding to the texts while unloading my cart.
Meanwhile the Hellmart employee is scanning my items and bagging them. The groceries are spinning on the bag carousel, and piling up. I suddenly feel like Kim Novak in Alfred Hitchcock’s “Vertigo”… dizzy.
With my credit card in hand, as well as my damn phone which I should have turned off and put away until I was safely at home, I rush to the bags and start loading them into the cart. I want to make sure that I don’t get home and find that the crock pot was left on the damn bag ride.
The problem is that I am exhausted and in zombie mode. The total is over $100. I wipe the drool off the side of my face, and push my chin back into place so that my mouth no longer hangs open.
I raise my hand to swipe my credit card, which had been in my hand, but now is not. I look on the floor, check the card scanning counter top, the carousel, I start going through my purse. Nothing.
I look at the old woman who is in line behind me. A nice, innocent looking gramma… too innocent if you ask me… she won’t even look at me… she is the old lady who swallowed a fly, I don’t know why, but I think she has my card! Those are some pretty nice shoes for someone on social security, and it looks like she has her nails done. I’ve seen the movie “Identity Thief”, so I know all about her little game.
I pay for my items with a card I don’t like to use, and step out of the way to start searching everywhere in my purse, wallet, pockets, floor, etc. the woman who was behind me won’t make eye contact, which I take as a confession. I tell the cashier what my problem is “I can’t find my credit card, it was in my hand.” She also looks for the card, to no avail.
I text my friends “the woman in line behind me at Walmart stole my credit card”
One says: “Did you make a scene? You should have caused a scene until they searched her.”
Then for the first time since I entered the store, I have a rational thought. I would never accuse someone because, this is tired me, and I could be wrong. So, as I head out of the store I’m on my phone canceling my card.
This means my phone bill, my tv dish bill, my prescription auto refill… EVERY BILL will have to be notified. This is the card I use for everything, and I have the number memorized. This has created a lot of work for me.
Well at least I won’t be funding the old ladies depends and denture grip today.
I get home and tell my son about my adventure while he helps me put away my loot. He says “Mom, you’re going to find it.” I say “maybe”… and as I say this I take the seasoning mix out of my bag, and there is the damn card.
So the moral of the story is…
don’t text and shop –
don’t shop tired –
just order food to be delivered
THE DAILY POST
Aug 7, 2014
Tell us about a time you made a false assumption about a person or a place — how did they prove you wrong?